Grandmother is my best friend

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by jepkiki, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. jepkiki

    jepkiki New Member

    I'm 23 and my grandmother has been struggling against metastatic breast cancer for some time now and after a traumatic event today she had to finally be taken to a hospice facility because we could no longer adequately care for her. I know she's still alive technically, but I feel like I'm starting to grieve the grandmother that was full of life and spunk. Is that bad? Due to Covid we can't all go visit her and I just don't want her to think we just sent her away. I know she knows how much I love her, and I have no idea where to begin with all this or how to process. I just feel numb. Today was very difficult, and her "event" earlier today is enough to where I feel distressed just thinking about it.
  2. I think grieving before a person's death can be a good and healthy thing. I began grieving as soon as my Mom was seriously ill and couldn't walk on her own anymore. I wanted to grieve as hard as I could so I would be ready and if she recovered then I'd really know how to grieve for someone else. My mother had metastatic breast cancer too, she has sadly passed on. What I did was get books on grief so I would know how to do it, and how to ask for help and set boundaries with people who were helping me the wrong way. Reading the books made me intensely sad but learning how to use all the tools before I needed them helped me a lot when she did pass. If you can video chat with her or send her things like flowers, maybe finding a way to show her you really are thinking of her every day will help her feel that you are there and she is not alone.
  3. Mellady

    Mellady New Member

    I'm 25, similar situation. She's 85, no cancer but battling blood stream infections and pneumonia. Last time I saw her was February, her nursing home was hit hard, they lost nurses and staff. She has 11 holes (pressure ulcers) now...she no longer talks and lost so much weight. She weighed 94 pounds and I had to give consent for gtube placement. Sometimes I cry randomly when I think back to how she was before in February and how she is now. And I see her through skype struggling to breathe with a nasal cannula in place and I talk to her, but she won't respond. It's horrible because we can't be there with them. I understand you in the sense that they're alive and we have this guilt in us. I wanted to take her home (I'm in nursing school) to care for her...but realistically its too much for one person and we live far from the hospital. So despite us hating the nursing home...she's right across the street and every time her oxygen dropped low she was there in 2 minutes. Every day I call to see how she is doing. Without me calling, I'm a mess. When I get calls I panic a bit and hope its not her being sent to hospital again. I lost my period these months and got it last week. It ended and yesterday I spotted. It's from alot of stress and grief. I'm sorry for what you're going through. And I'll pray for her and you :) and hopefully things turn around and we can see them again. I'm glad these platforms exist because I feel misunderstood. I tell my bf and friends and everyone tells me that shes still alive (she is) but I find myself grieving at times. We have to stay hopeful though. Hopefully covid will end, and we can see them more. May their strength me renewed. I pray God extends your grandmothers time and restores her health so that you may see her well and get to see her again. <3