My father died of pancreatic cancer a week ago. He was diagnosed in February. He hadn't spoken to me in 7 years because he didn't approve of my sexual orientation. He was told it was stage 4 in July and he still wasn't speaking to me. Finally I got fed up and called him in late October and visited early November. He didn't look the same or sound the same. His personality was completely different. He tried to acknowledge and ask me about my partner and my daughter he never met, which was quite the extension of an olive branch for him. But then a week ago I got a call he wasn't well and he died overnight that night. We just had services and buried him. Im struggling with going back to day to day things. Everything feels exhausting, heavy, impossible. I feel like there's just a darkness in me and I can't see past it. And it feels unfair to be just living and going about life like before he died. How do you move forward? I've almost just lost connection with reality.