Good (Almost) Afternoon GIC "Family..."

I feel like it's been ages since I've "talked" to everyone... So much has happened since I've been MIA. Exactly 15 months and 1 day after Bob passed away, I was traveling east, in the right hand lane of a very busy road, when a car blew through a stop sign, and slammed into the right side of my car (think T-bone). I knew the car was going to hit me. I hoped by steering to the right, I could get off of the road, out of traffic, and onto the grassy strip, before it happened, but the car came at me too fast. My car went forward for a few seconds, then did a U turn, ended up facing west, balancing on the two left wheels, the right side of the car in the air. All the airbags deployed. It was so over the top SCARY!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I was squeezed in by the airbags, so couldn't see out the windows, but had a feeling I wasn't on solid ground. I remember thinking of all Bob had to endure, how strong and brave he was throughout the very worst times in both of our lives. I thought about one of his very favorite sayings, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." I told myself I CAN!!! HANDLE!!! THIS!!! I believe Bob was watching over me... I thought about what he would tell me to do. At this point, I was emotionally blank, and tried to think logically like Bob always did.

I knew I had to get out. I was able to unbuckle my seat belt, open the driver's side door, and slide out from underneath the airbags, into the grass. I'm so very grateful no one else was in the car!!!. If someone had been sitting on the right side of my car, I doubt he/she would have been as lucky as I was. The entire right side was smashed in, pieces of the right side of the car, all over the road.

As soon as I was out of the car, not thinking rationally any longer, my first thought was that I had to get the keys to my house which were in the center console. Two men who had witnessed the accident, pulled me away from the car before I could try to do this. They told me they were afraid it might roll over. There were pieces of the right side of my car all over the road. I was so unbelievably lucky to have been able to get out of that car!!!, TUTTAM!!!

The witnesses said the accident was entirely the other driver's fault, and after seeing it as it happened, were amazed I was able to get out of the car by myself. They stayed with me until the ambulance arrived, then gave their names and phone numbers to one of the officers at the scene of the accident. At this point I didn't realize I had been hurt, so let an EMT clean up a couple of minor cuts on my face, but refused to go to the hospital. If I had gotten into that ambulance, they would have taken me to the hospital where Bob was treated so horribly as he was dying. NO WAY!!! will I ever go back there again!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Backing up a bit, ironically, my car ended up on the grassy strip in front of a car dealership. One of the witnesses worked there, so he walked with me inside the dealership, had me sit down, brought me a bottle of water, and insisted on staying with me until my close friend arrived. I was still emotionally blank, but as soon as my friend came running over and hugged me, the floodgates opened...

She brought me to a "doc in the box," a/k/a, a free standing walk in ER. The doctor didn't bother to examine me, but had me explain how I was feeling. By this time, I was dizzy,I felt like I was on a cruise ship during a bad storm after a few too many drinks. As well as being dizzy, I had a headache, left eye pain, chest pain, neck, and shoulder pain. She ordered a CAT scan of my brain, one of cervical spine, and two chest X-Rays. I was told to follow up with my primary care physician.

Very long story short, I was so very fortunate!!! I walked out of that wreck with only a concussion, a chest contusion, a/k/a, as bruised rib, a neck, and a shoulder injury. I was later diagnosed with post concussion syndrome, and although feeling a zillion times better than I did!!!, no more miserable, one too many drinks, while on a cruise ship, during a storm, sort of feeling, I still have difficulty doing everyday things, find it harder to stay organized, and frequently have to reread things in order to retain what I read. I only feel slightly off balance, slightly dizzy when turning my head, but this is something I can deal with. I feel so much better than I did. My rib has healed, but I still have neck and shoulder pain.

I recently began PT, 3x/week, for the next 6 weeks. My neurologist said that while he doesn't think he's going to find anything, he ordered two MRI's, one of my brain and one of my cervical spine. He said that CAT scans don't pick up all possible injuries. He said that given the type of injuries I have, there is a chance I could develop other symptoms later on. He said he wants the MRI's so if this should happen, he has a baseline for comparison.

While it makes sense, and I'm glad he is being so thorough, I'm terrified!!!, TUTTAM!!!, I've always been claustrophobic. My neurologist said he ordered specialized tests that can only be done in a closed MRI. I'm going to be stuck in that box (when I referred to it this way, my neurologist immediately said, "it's a tube, not a box!!!," as if this makes a difference, lol...) for twice as long because I have to have two of them. I've been given some excellent advice, to close my eyes before going into the tube, keep them closed until I'm finally allowed out, to try meditation, and to listen to music. Since Bob's death, now over 16 months ago, I still can't listen to rock or the blues, anything that we used to enjoy together, so I think I'm going to try listening to either classical or piano music, something I don't usually listen to. Hopefully, it'll have a calming effect. The last thing I want is to be stuck inside that box, a/k/a tube, with Mr. Grief!!!, TUTTAM!!!

As much as I hate taking meds, I asked my neurologist to give me a script for something to help me remain calm. My MRI(s) are scheduled for Friday. My good friend who lives nearby is going with me. I'm so very grateful!!!, TUTTAM!!! for this. When I think of what all of our spouses, loved ones, significant others, partners, etc, etc, etc, had to endure prior to their deaths, or what some of my friends have to endure who have much more serious health issues than I do, I know I CAN!!! and WILL!!! do this!!!

Enough about me!!! I've missed my GIC "family" so very much!!!, TUTTAM!!! (last one for now) I want to visit more often, but will still be MIA at times, to give myself the space and time I need to fully recover. I hope everyone is doing okay, or as okay as possible, given our circumstances.

As always, sending you lots of love and hugs, wishing you peace. DEB

 

Thank God it wasn't worse, and I also thank God that you survived.

 

Oh, my God, Deb. My heart stopped several
times reading your horrific tale. I felt rage
toward that driver who could have ended
your life, which would have been unthinkable. A car can be replaced, but
there's only one Deb. One thing I don't
like about GIC, is that TGW won't know
what happens to someone who disappears.
It's one thing when a potential new member decides to move on, but it's a
totally different story when one of our
close friends vanishes. When we didn't
hear from George, it was unnerving. He
had been a regular, with Helena, on
Wed Art Therapy. His widower brothers,
Gary, Chad , and myself , expected the
worst, and there was no way to contact
him. Some of us have private conversations with each other, and I
think that's wonderful. Deb, I also had
a terror of both claustrophobia and loud
clanging noises in the tube. Believe me,
a prescribed medication and some music
will go a long way. I don't want to sound
like a broken record ( but I will!). Friday
will be one day. I'm proud of you for
getting on GIC today. We all worried about
you, and missed your great sense of
humor , and infamous "books". Now that
you've reassured TGW that you're " on
the right side of the dirt", to quote your
funny soulmate & husband, Bob, you can
be MIA and we'll understand. You have
been a special person in my life. Lou

 

Hello Deb. What a relief it is to see your post. I understand being MIA after the crash and unknown trauma. I’ve have several spells of MIAs myself after getting overwhelmed by various life situations. I’m glad your doctor is taking all the extra precautions too. I did 2-25 minute MRIs back to back about 2 months after Cheryl transitioned. They were hell. I didn’t want music because it is so loud anyway. I told the technicians I was going to work on my Zen meditation while I was inside the tube. I did practice on a rhythm of breathing though and it helped keep me calm. I’m Extremely glad you’re back. we have to dose ourselves by how much grief we are willing to take and it is the same with how much GIC air time I can handle too. Keep on trucking Deb. Gary

 

Deb, how awful. You were protected. It could of been worse, you survived. Yes, you are very fortunate indeed. We all missed you, now it's time to heal. K

 

Ditto, Gary. Our dear friend , Deb, is
alive & well. What would we do without
her? Lou

 

Karen, As usual, short & sweet. Thank
God the Debster ( as George calls her) is
back with us. Lou

 

Sorry you had to endure that. I agree will Bill Thank God you survived. Like Gary said we all have our MIA moments. I look some times and don't say anything but everyone is always in my thoughts. I have at least one person I talk to everyday and I thank God for them. We all know that on.top of grieving most of us are busy with something rather it kids or appointments but we’re always welcomed here whenever we can make it. Take care of yourself.

 

Deb, how terrible! Im so sorry you went through all that, but so glad you came out in one piece. I wish you a speedy recovery from any aches and pains you may still have.
I had been asking about you, in fact, wondering where you were.
Sending you a big hug.
Rose

 

Hi everybody, I've been 'off site' for a few days, also the reason why I replied late to Deb,because I'm so heartbroken for the sudden loss of one of our lovely cats. We don't understand how it happened, he hadn't been run over by a car, he was just lying there lifeless near our front yard.No injuries, just bleeding from nose and eyes, my daughter says those are signs of being poisoned! How can that be? I really just can't think about it now, but I will share with you that I went 'berserk' when I found him, all that 'monster grief' I already have inside me just came out all in one go, and I just held on to my daughter, hugging each other tightly, both absolutely devastated.
Sorry if I've saddened you now but apart from close family, you are really my only friends.
Rose

 

Rose,

I'm so very sorry to hear that one of your cats passed away. It's heartbreaking to hear that he might have been poisoned. I don't understand how anyone could be that cruel!!!..., do such a despicable thing... I'm teary eyed as I'm "talking" to you. Sending you a giant virtual hug.

Our fur babies hold such special places in our hearts... they give us unconditional love and ask for so little in return. My very favorite fur baby died seven years ago. I still miss her so very much...

Please don't feel like you have to respond. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this most difficult time.

Sending you zillions more hugs, lots of love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Oh my gosh Rose. I know how devastated you and your daughter must have been or still are. What a horrible way to lose your kitty. Our pets are our family and we grieve for them too and to not know the reason makes it worse. I'm feeling so sorry for you and your little cat. Take care, K

 

Thank you so much Deb and Karen.

Rose.

 

Awww! Rose. Don't apologize for sharing thats what we here for. We're like one big family. Im sorry for the the loss of your fur baby. Glad you and your daughter were there to support one another.

 

Rose, I’m sorry for the loss of your cat too. I haven’t had any cats for 25 years but I remember being warned about using rat poison. If a cat ate a mouse that died of rat poison it could kill it. In the early 90s I had a mouse infestation. We did lose a cat that way. I was finding dead mice outside the house. Gary

 

Thank you Sweetcole and Gary. You are all so very kind and loving. In fact Gary, we have never used rat poison, being afraid that our cats, dogs, or other peoples' pets would eat the dead rats. I had often seen our little cat killing rats (we have fencing/railings around our property which can stop a dog from getting out but unfortunately cats are more agile and can easily sliver out, they can go out and about all around the fields and other houses) but he would place them in our front yard and leave them there, without eating them, I would go outside and get rid of them. We only ever used rat poison once many many years ago but in a closed shed, invaded by little country mice, where no cats could possibly get into. I love the expression 'fur baby' you all use here.
Thank you all again, for being here.
Rose.

 

Do you think the vet would know if you described his symptoms? Was he old? My cat, she's gone now, would bring in birds, but not eat them. If he didn't eat mice, rats or birds, then it's possible something else happened to him.

 

No, he wasn't old, just a year and three months, my daughter's friend had given him to us last August. Another strange thing is that he didn't have his collar on, we found it on the roadside later, my daughter checked his whole body and there were no injuries. Yes, I suppose a vet would perhaps be able to explain. I understand how heartbroken you must have been when you lost your dear cat, I remember when you told us. It is wonderful to have pets in our lives that give us so much joy, we grow so fond of them, become so attached to them emotionally, they become part of the family.
Thank you for caring.
Rose.

 

Rose I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your cat I can’t even imagine how awful you felt finding him in the yard like that. How devastating. So glad you and your daughter had each other. I pray poison wasn’t involved but it does sound very suspicious. Our pets are more then that. They become our life line, our everything. They are family. I haven’t been on much lately. So sorry I missed when you posted about your loss. I have a few things going on but then this weekend which was my birthday weekend. I spent 2 days by the the water. On my birthday, my daughter and I spent the day on the beach. And a saw a whale and dolphins. It was amazing and such a beautiful sight.

 

Robin, So glad you went to beach!I didn't
let the Labor Day rain get me down. I
took my umbrella, walked by the ocean,
which was a little wilder, had lunch in a
restaurant ( some were closed)., & talked
with friends. Lou