Hello, all. My hubby of 40 years died in December before covid lockdown, so it's been a weird (nearly) 2 years. The first year was about trying to determine if I could keep the house on my own. The various seasonal indoor/outdoor man-chores he tackled, general maintenance & replacement (furnace, water heater) - everything seemed to go wrong, that first year. I even dealt with a stalker who was aware hubby had died. Year 2 was (still is) a shock to my system, as now that I'm reassured I can handle the house at least in the short term, grief has latched-on and burrowed into my subconscious, altering my behaviors and outlook, destroying my patience, tolerance and understanding. Anxiety levels are off the charts as I feel myself losing my grip on reality. Daily, I re-live his last months and hours repeatedly in my head, and his image and voice are deeply etched in my memory causing both comfort and pain. Thank you, for providing this safe space to express grief.