My mom passed of lung cancer and next Monday will mark three years since she died. For some reason, I'm finding this anniversary particularly difficult to deal with. I think part of it is because of Covid and not being able to connect with my emotional support network as easily as before. I think I'm also struggling because I'm only now realizing how much I am like my mom while my sisters aren't. I don't have any family I can rely on for emotional support and it's those difficult days when I miss my mom the most, because she was the only one who truly understood me as a person. I can't even begin to explain how often I struggle with the 'coulda shoulda woulda' questions and wonder if maybe she'd still be alive if I had done something different. It sounds stupid and irrational, but a part of me to this day still believes I passed some virus to my mom which caused her to ultimately develop pneumonia to pass. Or the regret that I didn't go say goodbye even though she was only 20 feet from me because I had convinced myself she'd be fine. After all, she pulled back from bad days multiple times before. Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts that really don't make sense but still consume you with guilt at the same time?