Feeling alone

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by brianslin, Nov 15, 2021.

  1. brianslin

    brianslin New Member

    My mom passed of lung cancer and next Monday will mark three years since she died. For some reason, I'm finding this anniversary particularly difficult to deal with. I think part of it is because of Covid and not being able to connect with my emotional support network as easily as before. I think I'm also struggling because I'm only now realizing how much I am like my mom while my sisters aren't. I don't have any family I can rely on for emotional support and it's those difficult days when I miss my mom the most, because she was the only one who truly understood me as a person. I can't even begin to explain how often I struggle with the 'coulda shoulda woulda' questions and wonder if maybe she'd still be alive if I had done something different. It sounds stupid and irrational, but a part of me to this day still believes I passed some virus to my mom which caused her to ultimately develop pneumonia to pass. Or the regret that I didn't go say goodbye even though she was only 20 feet from me because I had convinced myself she'd be fine. After all, she pulled back from bad days multiple times before. Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts that really don't make sense but still consume you with guilt at the same time?
  2. BetsieMP85

    BetsieMP85 Member

    Absolutely. My second year seemed to be more difficult because I could no longer deny that she was gone ( my mom). She was my best friend and go to person. And like you, I am nothing like my siblings and we each had a different relationship with my mother. Therefore, our grief is different. And so, we just don't talk about her. And I want to scream sometimes because I feel like we are pretending she didn't exist.
    So I have very little family support and just recently lost 2 good friends who were a support system.
    My mom understood me too. I do wonder if I missed something or could have done more. Why did I trust the doctors so much? I should have done more research into her condition. And I also didn't know she was dying, because she pulled back from episodes before. But we all go into denial of things that are just too difficult. That's normal. And I think we all live with guilt to some degree.
    I try to remember how she lived instead of thinking about how she died. Sometimes that helps. But sometimes it doesn't.
    I'm sorry for your loss and pain.
  3. Capuzzi2

    Capuzzi2 New Member

    I think we all have a story that is pre written. We might not like it, but that is our story. So whatever you did was supposed to happen. It’s ok. And you miss your mom because she was wonderful. And you loved her. And she loved you. And that’s all that matters. My mom died Jan 5 and I’m struggling.