My ex husband passed away a few days ago. He passed away after taking drugs laced with fentanyl. The person who gave it to him left, and the other person called his mom instead of 911. I don't think he knew it contain fentanyl, but I know he didn't want to died. He was in and out rehabs and jail every few years. We have 2 daughters and they were not in speaking terms with him. The oldest had told him to stayed away. He had lost her trust, and she mentally couldn't handle is actions. We weren't on good terms, but I had chosen to reached out to him to talked once I was back in town. I never expected him to passed away before I told him I had forgiven him. I also didn't expect for it to hurt the way it did when I saw his body. When we split he was abusive, now I don't think he even remember what he did. I did keep the girls away, his habits were not something I wanted them to be around. We did asked him to moved away from where he was staying, but he never took the offer. That place only made him worse, and the friends he chose were not helpful. I know the oldest was angry with him because he constantly promised things, or told her things like he was going to killed himself if she didn't speak to him. The youngest didn't really know him, he gravated more to the oldest. He had a bond with her, and she loved him. So it broker her when he chose drugs over her. At first I was angry, then the guilt hit me and that was the worse feeling I've ever felt. He would never have the chance to explained himself or repair that relationship with his daughter. She would never have the chance to asked him for answers. I just want to know what his last thoughts were. I hope he found peace and he was put back together like he used to be. Hopefully the broken pieces of himself repaired themselves fully. I hope he forgave us as well. Is the not knowing what his last thoughts of us were, or the fact that there was really no one with him in that moment. He was not the best, but he left pieces of his soul in his kids. I guess I'm just struggling with never having that closure between us all. I wish there was some way of knowing he's better, and that he could tell the girls he loves them no matter what. It hurts more than I thought, I guess we really don't ever truly get over someone that left us with pieces of themselves.
Cel85, I'm confident and trusting that he has now found peace, and put back together the way he used to be. I love your words. God always makes us whole again, many times throughout our life, and certainly in our return home to Him. May you find peace and healing on your grief journey. ~ Michael
