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Don't know if I can do this

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Emily Bronte, Jan 14, 2023.

  1. Emily Bronte

    Emily Bronte New Member

    Hello I'm in UK. I lost my husband to cancer 7 months ago and I'm finding it so hard to get through the days. I miss him so much, I feel like I'm walking round with a great rock in my chest where my heart used to be. Who knew how much this hurt until it happens to you ? Our marriage wasn't perfect, we had issues the last couple of years but he told me every day he loved me and now he's gone and I'll never hear that again. Nearly 36 years then nothing - I thought I'd be stronger than this but I'm not. He used to say "You could live without me, I couldn't live without you " well I'm not really living I'm existing and I hate my life now. I know I have to keep trying for my family's sake but every day I feel the same. Sorry to sound so negative and thanks for listening if anyone is
     
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  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    "Emily Bronte", I'm so sorry to hear of the
    recent death of your husband, after almost
    36 years of marriage. You have come to
    the right place. Grief in Common ( GIC)
    has kind widows & widowers from
    around the U.S. We also have Rose in
    Italy, who's in a different time zone. My
    wife, Linda, died suddenly in front of me after undergoing physical therapy for her
    cancer. She was 68. We were married 25
    years, no children. As my friends here
    know: even though that was 4 years ago,
    I cry out to Linda every morning when I
    awake,but get better when I walk outside
    and see friends. I chose Van Gogh as my
    user name, bc I was a tortured soul like he
    was. My name is Lou. May I ask your
    first name, and your husband's? I believe

    it helps to honor the names of our soulmates. I live on the northern coast
    of Massachusetts, and I couldn't do well
    without seeing the ocean.Being in the U.K.,you are probably not far from the
    coast. I hope you will stay with us. Lou
     
  3. Gary166

    Gary166 Well-Known Member

    Hi Emily. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your husband also. We are all under a tremendous amount of stress from losing our beloved. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly 20 months ago. Cheryl and I were soulmates. I never loved or felt loved by anyone like Cheryl. I was in a depressive stupor for 5 months while attending grief support meetings and therapy. There were only 2 grief meetings a month and I had therapy once a month and a lot of isolation and aloneness in between. When I found GIC I met these humble, compassionate, and caring people who understand loss. After time I felt safe in expressing my grief with people who get it. Google Six Needs of the Mourner. This a short article to jumpstart you in your grief journey. Stay on this site and read the posts and ask questions. There is strength in numbers. We are never alone here. Gary
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Emily my heart is breaking for you right now. Everything you mention I know too well. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. All your words are so true, no one can even imagine the the pain and heartache unless it happens to you. Existing is a perfect word to describe how this feels. We’re here and just trying to live. But life became so difficult, even the simplest of things is now so hard. I lost my husband 4 years ago to a sudden and massive heart attack. Taken from our beautiful life in 2 hours. My life changed forever that night. We were married 41 years, ran a business together and we were planning our retirement. Life was so good and wonderful. Emily, remember your husband is a part of you. You helped make each other who you have become he is with you but in a different way. I live each day to honor my husband Ron. Visit this site often, everyone here understands everything you’re feeling. Read and share stories, there’s a whole community of people here. We’re here for each other with no judgement ever. Sending you hugs and wishing you strength. There are better days ahead. Keep working towards them. Robin
     
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. You don't have to apologize for expressing yourself here. Like you you said you don't know how you're going to feel until going through it. We've been through and still going through it so we understand the heaviness you describe. I lost my Gant almost 3 years ago and some days are still hard. Our children are definitely my motivation. Take deep breaths , get as much fresh air as possible and just take it one day at a time. Praying for your strength with each passing day.
     
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  6. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you, like my friends have just said here, we can empathize with you and understand the devastation you're going through. I lost my husband two years ago from a sudden heart attack, no warning signs, no previous health problems, one minute he was here, the next he wasn't. He was only 57, full of life, dedicated his life to his family and home, I still can't accept that I'll never see him again, I struggle on for my two grown-up children who live with me. I have found this site a safe, comforting place to share my thoughts, helping me to release my pain, which I normally tend to suppress.
    I used to live in the UK, born and raised in London and lived there until the age of 26, then moved to Italy (my family origins) , met my husband, and have been living here ever since.
    I hope you stay with us, you will find great support from this close, warm, friendly community. We are all with you.
    Rose
     
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  7. Emily Bronte

    Emily Bronte New Member

     
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  8. Emily Bronte

    Emily Bronte New Member

    Hi Thanks for reading and your kind comments - I'm sorry for your sad loss too.
    My husbands name was John - he died 10 months after the cancer diagnosis and 1 year after we moved into a new house. Just feel like all our future plans and life were ripped away. Anyway I know everyone on here is grieving as much as me and I hope to find some comfort in the company of others who understand how it feels
     
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  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Emily, thank you so much for responding
    to my inquiry of your husband's name,
    John. It's a very cold, gray , blustery
    day here, and nothing much is happening
    in my small town. I gave up driving when
    I retired. Linda was a better driver, with
    more patience. I walk everywhere and
    take a bus to a nearby city. I felt lonely
    and depressed today, so I persuaded a
    friend to drive us to a bar, ( even though
    I gave up drinking after Linda died), for
    live music. I am so grateful you decided
    to stay with us. I came up with the
    term Grief Warriors, to describe us,
    bc we leave no one behind on the
    battlefield of grief. Lou
     
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  10. Deborah A.

    Deborah A. Well-Known Member

    Hello Emily, welcome! If you feel like you are alone and in a hell you couldn’t imagine, well, I can completely understand. It gets easier and you are NOT alone! We all know that pain and we are all soldiering on together! Love, hugs and comfort to you!! ❤️
     
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  11. Gary166

    Gary166 Well-Known Member

    Lou, glad to hear you got out in the foul weather today for some surf watching. Since the sun was out and the ground hard I went to the Fawn River nature preserve today to clean out 4 bluebird boxes. This is a place my beloved Cheerful Cheryl would walk the trails with me. Cheryl was fascinated by large groups and varieties of trilliums in the spring. This place is magical and has a small Native American ceremonial mound near the river. I sat on a log by the mound today and wondered what happened 2000 years ago there. Sometimes We would bring folding chairs and sit on a hill overlooking the river and listen to the birds and water gurgling. Happy mixed with sad is not what I want but doable. Gary
     
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  12. Deborah A.

    Deborah A. Well-Known Member

    Dear Emily,

    How long ago was this? It sounds incredibly raw and painful.
    Hugs and comfort,
    Deb
     
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  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Gary. My friend drove us into a
    nearby city to hear a live band, bc nothing
    was happening in our small town. My
    friend's soulmate died 3 yrs ago, so we
    didn't want to sit around, getting lonely
    & depressed. The band of 5 older
    professional musicians, lifted our
    spirits. We had to leave early, bc it started
    to snow. But, the same group will be
    coming to our local cafe in Feb, so it
    works out. Linda would've loved the
    music places & friends in my life. She is
    with me , in spirit, with her cane watching
    over me. Lou
     
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  14. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Thatz cool bro that Cheryl would do stuff with you! Valerie just sat on the couch eating processed shit and watching loud bad TeeVee while on her laptop. I don't mean to be negative. I am bored lonely and depressed... I try and try... Thanks for the meditation tips! Love ya!
     
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  15. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Glad you did something LobSterMan.. I was bored lonely and depressed today.
     
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  16. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    This place sounds so peaceful for you and Cheryl now for you. This morning I had a bad relapse of crying and couldn't stop. When it was over I looked out my front window and there was the largest buck I've ever seen. I would see doe's not bucks in front He was not afraid and kept staring at me for about 10 min. Then he jumped and left. It was Jack.
     
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  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    That’s awesome!! So happy you had that special moment. Thank you for sharing. I could use a little pick me up today. Jacks visit made me smile for you.
    Robin
     
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  18. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Emily, we all know how hard this awful journey is and I hope you find comfort with us warriors -- we understand. My husband is named John also goes by Jack. We were married 37 years and knew each other for 3 before. He was healthy then one day a growth started growing on his hip. Within the year he was gone with sarcoma cancer. It's been two years last Nov. What I can share is be careful regarding your health. I was not. All I wanted was sugar and carb leading me to anemia which I'm still trying to overcome. There is more to me that was not good, but I'll stop here. Just take care of yourself any way you can. It will take strength, patience, rest and a faith to walk this awful trail. We all share our journey here which will help you to understand you are not alone.
    Yes, your existing and hate your life. We've been there and are there. You are not negative here, you can say anything, no judgements. That's what we're here for to dump on us, cry on us, shout, scream, whatever you feel like.
    I've tried to keep going for my family sake, but mostly I needed to be alone and that is okay. My name is Karen
     
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  19. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, your reaching out to welcome &
    comfort Emily, is impressive, based on
    your own extremely sad experience with
    the death of your dear husband and
    soulmate , Jack. As I've said before, you
    were known for your witty one liners,
    whereas Debster, Garbear, and I are
    notorious for our "books". Living alone
    makes me want to hurl the words into a
    post on GIC, like Jackson Pollock splashed
    his paints on a canvass. I also think you
    said you were bored by being confined to
    your house during the awful storms of
    California. We had our 1st snow last
    night, and it is a gray, blustery, cold day
    today. I woke up crying ( and yelling
    F*CK!), as I do most mornings. But,
    unless there's a blizzard, ice storm, or I
    have the flu, I walk outside, past the
    everchanging ocean, & say a quick prayer
    of gratitude to God for being alive, and in
    this friendly town by the sea. My only
    consolation about Linda is that although
    she didn't live to see my apartment, she
    knew that our plan was for her to join me
    in this town. Because of the slippery
    sidewalks today, Linda's cane saved me
    from falling---both literally & figuratively.
    I know you like the significance of Linda's
    cane. I donated many of Linda's things
    after she died, bc it depressed me to hold
    on to them. Thank God I knew enough to
    save Linda's cane. Snowman Godfather
     
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  20. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Snowman Godfather, I saved Jack's hat I bought him on our 9th anniversary and his slippers. It's so him. I'm so glad you have Linda's cane. Your very expressive with words. You have a good attitude pass it around.
     
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