Don't know how to think or feel , I feel so abnormal.

It's been a year and still can't wrap my head around that my spouse is no longer here. It's like I have no idea how to feel because everyone says life goes on it doesn't stop! I'm sad, angry, irritated , annoyed at everything and everyone when I don't mean too. It's like everyone went on about life and me and my kids are alone even though we have have so many friends and family that are there for us and love us I just feel alone to pick up the pieces and think that everyone thinks I'm ok ! I'm not ok!!!

 

Scorpio05 First, sorry to say that if you think you will pick up the piece of your life and it will feel normal, you are wrong. People who tell you that life goes on, mean just that. They don't mean that you will feel normal, or that you will never be sad again....You say you don't know how to feel...Feelings are not something you order like breakfast. You don't know how to feel... it is not a cognitive act...just feel. You are devastated by your loss and you are still in the throws of major grief . Stop fighting with it and let yourself just take as long as YOU need to try and get back to a normal baseline. If you want to cry, so cry. it is a great stress reliever. The fact that you understand your anger toward others is a manifestation of your grief is a good sign. Now you have to reign in that anger and use that energy elsewhere. Do you work outside for home? Do you have hobbies? I am not a group support person, but you may be. Find one or get a grief counselor for a short time and see if it helps. You have to find your future.It may take you a long time. I am three years from losing my husband and I am only just starting to understand that I am not at the edge of existence..there is something there ahead of me and I have to make the best of it and participate in making it happen for me. I hate being a widow and my husband's picture is my screen saver and every time I turn on my computer, he is smiling at me. I need that. He is still very much a part of my life. I will never let that go. Sheila

 

thank you for your post ! I am sorry to hear of your husband ! I do work full time don't really have any hobbies but I do have lots of friends and family. What you said about finding my future, that's the scary part. I do seek
Some counseling but find during the session I'm all for being different and working on things but by the end of my session I have no desire to change or be different and I hate that about myself. All of sudden finding a new norm new future just doesn't seem right it's just weird.

 

You're just scared. It is perfectly normal to feel that way and hopefully soon you will have a tiny breakthrough that will lead to another and another and you will be able to see ahead.

Blessings and Peace