*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Delayed grief

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by CarolA, Oct 20, 2020.

  1. CarolA

    CarolA New Member

    So many years ago I lost my darling mum in 1972, I was 20. She was everything to me. I still have so much grief stuck inside me from that time which has been so debilitating for me over the years. I have never been able to let it all out and have felt so scared and ashamed of still having it, I felt so isolated and that no-one was like me or could help me. I have recently started talking about it and reading messages on this site, it has helped me get to the depth of my feelings but it is so difficult to allow myself to have the feelings all the time and painful++. It is hard to have the reality of having lost her. I have pushed everything away for so many years.
    CarolA
     
  2. Silliebillie

    Silliebillie New Member

    I am very sorry for your loss! I appreciate you and having the courage to share your emotions! I no ive heard a million times that with time it will get better. I deeply hear you and feel you! She is still your everything!
     
  3. CarolA

    CarolA New Member

    I was so pleased with your reply and how understanding you are. I never thought anyone would be understanding - ever. I certainly never thought I would get a reply because of my loss being such a long time ago. I have had such a HARD time like a lot of people on this site. At last I am finding kindness and understanding. I recently got the courage to talk to bereavement counsellor here in u.k. who was unpleasant, then a 2nd one, I ended up having to justify myself. I then found this site which is a revelation to me, and have started grief coaching with Karen. I have just had my 3rd one with her - she is the rock I never had. She is kind, caring and absolutely non critical - I really feel I can let out all the awfulness with her. Such a relief it will be. Thank you so much.
    Carol
     
  4. sierra.s

    sierra.s New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am also new to this site and have only recently discovered it due to my moments of intense grief for my mom, especially around the holidays. I am in my mid 20s and lost my mom to breast cancer 10 years ago, when I was just a teen. I have never received professional support to cope with my loss, but I am realizing now how desperately I needed it then and need it now. It is never too late to begin to process our emotions. Our mamas will always be our mamas, there is no one in the world who can replace them. I feel her with me in every step I take through life, but I miss her so much. Being an only child too, it has been very lonely to go through such formative years without her. I have a wonderful dad who has raised me to be so strong and independent, though. We all have our own timelines and our mothers are such a core part of who we are so I think you should be allowed to take all the time you need to grieve.
     
  5. CarolA

    CarolA New Member

    Sierra.s
    So sorry we both lost our Mums too young (mine had ovarian cancer), you were quite a bit younger than me. I was so young inside, it was a terrible shock. Christmas and birthdays were so special with her, and I so understand how hard they are to get through.
    I know the intense grief you feel. I never had anyone to talk to about it. I lost my home when my mum died because my stepfather took it over. I am trying to share things and open up, I have pushed it down and managed for so long it is very hard to be as vulnerable as I feel. Professional support has not been great for me, I am still looking for someone who I can be vulnerable with and trust. I was surprised how they aren't always very caring, i find it is so difficult to have good self esteem and feel right to feel how I do. I am hoping with opening up more it will help that.
    I didn't really know what to say to you, but I know how awful you feel, and how difficult it is with at christmas. I joined with a lot of people (Yellow Hearts site) in the u.k. at 7p.m. last night (christmas eve) and lit a candle for lost loved ones. There were lots of photos and e-mails sent. Such a good idea so as not to feel alone.
    Carol