Death and divorce out of the blue

Hi,
I am from Germany and was looking for a place zu weep about my situation.. I had a really close connection to my dad, me being an only child. He got sick last year in august with heart and cancer at once and passed away really quick on March this year. It was heartbreaking. I never thought I could live without him, even me being 39 now. My mom and me never had the same kind of relationship and no other family.
I had been with my boyfriend for 8 year, married 1,5. he was always the nicest, warmest perfect husband and cared for my father. We had few fights, a lot of shared hobbies, friends, told each other how much we loved us, you know.. perfect relationship. And 3 months after my dad died he suddenly told me he is unhappy with his life (job and City we live in) and wants a clean cut abroad again, without me. He loves me, will always love me, perfect relationship it was for him, but he needs to be free. 1,5 h after marriage (his idea). I felt like dumbfounded. I can’t believe it. Where did this come from? Midlife crisis? He is 33!
i can’t concentrate on my fathers grieve because the divorce hurts me soo much. Last week I couldn’t sleep or eat and turned myself in the psychiatric ward, because I thought about harming myself. I never did before. I just don’t have any energy left. While my father did, everyone told me „you have your Husband“ and I thought so too. I feel betrayed, sad, without any energy…
Thank you for listening

 

First I'm sorry for your loss. Then I'm sorry you gave to mourn and deal with the problems in your marriage.