COVID-19 took my husband

I’m picking up the pieces, he died in our home with our children upstairs. He was sick but he was saying he felt better but all of a sudden he struggled breathing then he died. He died in front of me and took his last breath. I saw the light go out in his eyes. Has anyone seen this ???? I can’t get it out of my head.

I had to go to the doctor to help with the grieving bc it was painful. My chest just hurt like a heart attack. I don’t want to grieve myself to death, I have kids. We buried him on December 28th and it seems unreal.

I have moments of happiness but then I just cry. Or I’m numb. I know he would hate seeing me and the kids so sad.

 

Dear Colleen. I'm so sorry for your and your childrens' loss. It only just happened, you are in acute grief right now. There's so much to it, the shock, disbelief, the deep pain and sorrow. It's so hard processing such a huge part of your life, identity is all of a sudden no more. I wish you so much gentleness on the path that I wish you didn't have to be on right now. All your emotions are valid and even though they seem almost unbearble, we have all felt these and are living through them. Don't be afraid of the pain. It's healthy for you to feel and process, and also to sometimes not feel so much. I know so much strength and courage is being asked of you to continue to care for the children. That can be your way to survive all this right now. You are doing all you can and also trying to get some help which is really good.

Maybe finding other bereaved widows in your area can be a source of strength for you? There's a good more active section on this forum too 'loss of spouse' where many who have gone through sudden losses will also listen to you and comfort you. These podcasts also really help me and they are easier to listen to than reading in the early stages of grief. This is one of a grief therapist who explains what you might be experiencing: https://www.shapesofgrief.com/podcast/swp4a1i4ypzygquytlrt53dhs0imad?rq=samuel

I wish you much comfort and self-care on your journey. We are here for you and you are in our thoughts.
Natasha.

 

I know your heart is broken. I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

Dear Colleen, I send big hug to you and your
children.I am so very sorry for you and your children.
My husband Jack passed while I was holding him
in my arms. He Suffered PD for 24 years, in his
last nine years needed my total care 24-7 , after a
fall causing traumatic brain injury, we were blessed
being married 61 years, my Faith has been my
strength, God holds me together daily ,
to whom we both looked to through out our lives.
When I hear of passing of a father or mother with
young children, it breaks my heart.I just lifted
you and children in prayer.
I just noticed you are in SC, I am too, I moved
here to live near our daughter.
Sending, love, hugs, prayers.
Patti