Can't seem to sleep without you.......

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by AmberGrace, Dec 7, 2021.

  1. AmberGrace

    AmberGrace Member

    It'll be 8 months on the 20th. Eight! On one hand it feels like forever, on the other I can't believe it hasn't even been a year! Sometimes I still feel like your here and you're going to pop your head around the corner, come walking out of the room. Sometimes it sounds like your in the kitchen grabbing something to eat. When I'm in our bed at night, wishing sleep would come to me, I swear I see shadows on the walls out in the living room....you.....walking around? How am I supposed to sleep with your ghost? Part of me just wants you to leave me be, let me find peace. Part of me hopes you'll always be there, helping me remember. I used to sleep like a bear in hibernation! Now even the slightest of noises wakes me. Last night it was the ceiling fan. Now I can't go back to sleep. I miss being able to roll over and put my arm around you. I still try sometimes, when I'm half asleep. It wakes me every time I feel nothing but air and the stupid pillow next to me. It's not the only thing I miss, there are so....so many things. I even miss the things that used to annoy me! Like how you would intentionally scare me while you made me watch a scary movie with you. Or your stupid obsession with B-movies and how you would actually sit through watching some of the worst movies I have ever seen a second time just so you could enjoy watching me as you made me watch the terrible thing! Mostly I miss your voice and the way you smelled. Why did you have to leave me? I'm all alone now, I have no one. You were my everything. I don't even know how to do this without you. I just want to sleep.
    Breathe Gg and ShellieWannatelli like this.
  3. Hi Amber Grace! I'm SO sorry for your loss, and thank you for being so expressive in your writing! That's a beautiful tribute, and I don't know if you have children or any other family, but at least expressing your feelings are the first step in healing, I'm sure. Christmas had to be hard--I had a friend for many years, I'm 57, and she passed away suddenly in May of this year. She has a 26 year old son, and I still keep in contact with him. Write again and let us know how you are doing. Take it one day at a time. Shellie in West Virginia