Can’t believe my Dad is Gone

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by MissingPGB❤️, Aug 9, 2018.

  1. MissingPGB❤️

    MissingPGB❤️ New Member

    I lost my Dad a little over a month ago, July 1st, 2018. I am 30... he was only 62. It was very sudden - I had no idea what was coming. He hasn’t been feeling well, but it wasn’t uncommon for him to have a cold or sinus issues - I didn’t think anything of it.

    I am getting married October 6th. He died 3 months before my wedding day. I am dealing with his loss, I planned a funeral and I am planning a wedding all at the same time. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that my dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle...he was here and now he is gone, right before what is supposed to be the best day of my life, and what was supposed to be the most proud day for my dad.

    I am the youngest of 3 siblings, I live in the next state over from my home state where my Dad and my 2 older brothers live. (Lived, for Dad). I have had to step up and take care of much of the estate matters, and I also am having to deal with the dissolution of his business, which breaks my heart because I was going to be his successor but I thought we had more time...

    I am just lost every day. I can’t make it to work on time - I can hardly make myself get out of bed. Luckily I have an amazing boss who has been very understanding, and an amazing fiancé who has been very understanding and beyond helpful and supportive.

    But I get to work, I sit there, I stare and have trouble staying on task. I bounce from work things to trying to settle things for Dad, to trying to finish scheduling wedding things. Everything runs together and there is so much to do... I literally feel crazy most of the time. And I have no filter anymore. I am usually very cool calm and collected, now I can’t hold it together. I say whatever is on my mind, I have no tact...

    I just wonder how long this all can last this way. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I am so sad, so lost, so angry... I’m in disbelief and then it all becomes so real... it’s a vicious cycle.

    How do I deal? I don’t know what to do.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    MissingPGB, I'm so sorry for your loss. There is never a good time or good way to lose someone we love, but it sounds like the sudden nature and everything else you have going on in your life (both the good and the bad) are making it especially difficult to cope. I'm glad you've found us and that you're reaching out for support. You are not alone! What you are describing is a VERY normal part of the grieving process, even if it feels so very abnormal and foreign to you.
    Please check out our article on "Losing Focus & Lacking Concentration in Grief": https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/losing-focus-lacking-concentration-in-grief/.
    Besides connecting with others who are grieving, our site also serves to validate and educate. Our blog is filled with content that you may find helpful so I encourage you to continue to use us as a resource.
    We are here to help! If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out.
    I wish you peace and healing in the days ahead, and especially on your wedding day...I hope you will be able to feel your father with you on such a bittersweet day.
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your father. My mother died suddenly in May and we are still in shock. I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I just hope you will find coming here helpful.
    MissingPGB❤️ likes this.
  4. Lostgirl

    Lostgirl New Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. I also lost my father suddenly last week. I was to have another wedding ( my first was planned and rushed in 4 days so my mother could see me walk down the isle) she passed away 4 days later. That was 5 yrs ago. I finally felt ready to have a "real" wedding and couldn't wait for my dad to walk me down and have my day. I am also the youngest. My siblings are literally 15 and 8 years older and still I find myself settling all his affairs, planning the funeral and services all while struggling with my grief. All I do is cry yet they are out living their lives already. My heart is with your broken and grieving. I hope peace find you.
    MissingPGB❤️ likes this.
  5. Golfmom

    Golfmom New Member

    I just lost my Dad suddenly on July 15th and I’m feeling a lot of the same things you are. I feel like life is moving forward and I’m stuck in time. I’m so sorry you are going through this and wish I had any type of advice to give but unfortunately I don’t.
    MissingPGB❤️ likes this.
  6. MissingPGB❤️

    MissingPGB❤️ New Member

    I am sorry to hear that :( if you would like to talk, send me a message. It is such a difficult thing to go through and it’s hard for others to fathom what we’re going through.
  7. DaughterGB

    DaughterGB Member

    I'm so sad to hear about your dad. My dad passed away suddenly 2 weeks ago. I'm completely devastated as we had just found out he was in remission after his battle with cancer. We took him in to have port removed and he developed an infection in the hospital. They put him in a medically induced coma for a procedure and one of the medicines they were giving him caused his kidneys to shut down and go into multiple organ failure. I can't believe he's gone. So much of what you wrote felt like you were writing for me. I can't offer any words of comfort because I don't even know how to help myself. But I'm here if you'd like to talk.