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Broken but not shattered

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Stephaniemarie88, Nov 3, 2020.

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What lives within?

  1. Glory

    0 vote(s)
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  2. Grace

    1 vote(s)
    100.0%
  1. Stephaniemarie88

    Stephaniemarie88 New Member

    My mom tried but her strength was drowned out. Her faith was brought down and i was left behind to stand out. In my prayers i asked for peoples sufferings to switch places with me and slowly instead of living i was dying slowly. The poison was taking its toll and i thought this world no longer needed my roll.. As a mother, a woman or even a person.. The more i thought.. The more my mind worsened. I guess its hard to talk to God when im ashamed.thinking someone else was always to blame.. The pain of my past causes me to break.. So looking back is always the wrong way. Temptati19thons , anxiety and depression pulling at me.. tearing me away..I cant heal like this.i never expected to be somebody when i was a kid.. I never expected to need somebody to live.an Angel on one side and the devil on the other..daring me to pull out my skeletons and put them out for people to laugh and wave..given the demons reason to keep me that way.already old enough but still looking to world for that fix but if Jesus is enough why do i feel like this.. That monster inside me keeps reminding of everything about me i hate.. Maybe gods grace found me a little to late.prolly cause i spent most of my years breaking alot of hearts.. I keep trying to forget but in my head..it never ends..it always just starts..This is me now.. This is how it feels to be empty..there isnt a day that passes by that the devil doesnt temp me but i must realize its only God that sent me.. Breaking chains daily remembering.. Understanding Gods repentance and unfailing love is what saved me.. From the world ..from myself it didnt matter cause it all faded when i knelt. Crying to to my father was my strongest day..Glory to jesus for picking up the broken pieces and building my faith.. Regaining strength and putting armor for the battles ahead.. Couldnt imagine before this i was lost in my own head and nearly dead..
     
  2. Jayz893

    Jayz893 Member

    Sad but beautiful poem. I miss my Mum too and understand some of the pain you must be feeling.
     
  3. Yup

    Yup New Member

    i just feel numb