Brain Fog does it clear?

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by paul tinker, Jan 29, 2019.

  1. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Hello fellow grievers. Has any one had advice on how to clear mental fog. The hit by a 40 mph bus should clear, right? This has been five months. Focus, concentration, memory. The horrible anxiety ridden white knuckle day's not so much. Put the revved mind and no place channel this speed is bother some. In my old life I would read. That is so hard to do. The exercise really helps, yoga is great. The 5-HTP serotonin supplement not long enough to tell. Thanks in advance. Sleep needs to improve a lot.

  2. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    As evidence above. Does any one have advice........ revved mind with no place...... OK I may have the answer to my own question. This was visiting with a guy running the laundry mat. His dad passed and they were tight. My guy got to counseling and was advised to head off those racing thought from the first time they start. I will go back and chat with him on the , How? I will let my brain dig a hole to China . But who needs that deep a hole ?
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

  4. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Thanks Griefic. That does help. The main point that grieve is a full time job. I had not heard it expressed that way. That really gives you permission. One grief book Healthy Healing that I have sited a few times while hear. The author was so intimate in telling us the readers there are two things that we must never forget. One is that you are going to get overwhelmed and to back off a bit when that happens and second is to never stop trying. She may have met in the context of healthy exercise and endorphins but in all ways, I suspect. A surprise today was seeing a specialist about a bulging back disc and the resulting sciatica. I had not met this doctor before but she was all about talking about grief. I had put this information on the form but really it was she that ran with it. We talked for a guilty of a long time. I say guilty because it is rare to have had so much time with a physician. Wonderful experience. I think we must feel companion for our medical providers. I told her that my college room mate was a family practice doctor and would have trained in the late seventy's. The concept then was one patient per hour. They are seeing fifteen to twenty per day. Gone is the ability to educate. I am not sure how but could we have more influence on a broken medical system.? I should start a new thread.
  5. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    I have actively added all sorts of proactive habits. They all helped but maybe just time to recover. It takes as long as it takes. Getting better and grateful for that!!! I do not think Kay would have wanted a basket case. But I still just love her and so grateful for our time. That time will continue in a constructive way. We always cared about others and tried to show respect to all in the path.
    Butterfly21 likes this.
  6. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Not sure but splitting wood at least tires you out for a good nights sleep. Don't do this often. Just helping a friend.
    Butterfly21 likes this.
  7. BJC

    BJC New Member

    Hi Paul. I hope things are improving. Mine hasn't gotten better yet. It's over 4 years since I lost my Mom, and close to that for the lost of my sisterinlaw (and best friend) to suicide. I was my Mom's caregiver. I still have trouble reading. I have been able to manage reading some for my counseling sessions, but it takes me a long time to get through a book.
  8. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Yes BJC, the book. I believe the brain has turned to sawdust. Concentration and focus not that great. Trauma and lack of sleep. Sometimes progress and then back and so it goes. I do feel better with Yoga and long walks. Still, other people and good-natured conversations are so welcome. Two of your people gone sorry for your loss.
  9. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Well maybe it is me, well with what has happened to my 'Dainty Dearness' I will say it is me.
    I had 1 hell of a time trying to figure out what to do. I was talking to a friend and she said, " Your brain must be doing a million miles an hour." YES she was right. It got a ticket 4 speeding! Seriously though it happens. We are SO taken over by the loss of a spouse or best friend or family or one near and dear to us and the way it may have happened
    that we are shocked. To be very honest, I Packed all my stuff of 30 yrs into a 15 goot uhaul with 2 Harlies as well and drove up to Mass. I left April 14 and two days later was a month my Dearness has been gone from me and yet to some extent I can not believe it. I think it might be I do not want to believe it
    Or maybe God does not want me too believe it yet. But I know I had a hard time making simple decisions.
    SpunkyRedHead likes this.
  10. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Rav like the Harleys and Mass combination. I am going with shock and PTSD.
  11. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    This is seven months in and it does. The yoga has helped a lot. The exercise and endorphin approach is good. Still, the best is conversation and relations with others! For me diabetes management is essential. All techniques like journal or writing, volunteer work, music is huge. being around and witness the kindness and goodness of others. Today at the car wash a senior male attendant was cleaning out the vacuum canister. The coins he saves and cleans then to coin star. The money he donates to food banks. That was an act of giving on a level so simple but means a great deal. Random acts of kindness. Do these ever go out of style, no? Do they go unnoticed maybe some times but not today, Education with grief books is good as well. Provided you can read. That skill is just coming back. Best to us all.
  12. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello Paul,
    Ray G. here. Don' t know
    why it shows up as Rav.
    Been Ray over 63 yrs.

    Anyway I still have a hard
    time making decisions and
    always 2nd guessing myself.

    I think you described this
    quite well. Take care Paul.
  13. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Nice to meet you, Ray. I have spent some time with Dr. van der Kolk. His book is titled, The body keeps the score. He deals with trauma and PDSD. When we lose someone so close and intimate. That void is so much. It is conversations that are so much more than how is the weather. We share meals with them. All our life planning is with them. Financial, social, sexual, Companion, that I have your back person, a picnic in the park, the list can go on.......! We can see and feel all of it and replay it all and should. It will occupy and dominate our thoughts. It is a huge loss. Eventually, like my mother who died in 2008 and that was not easy even given the fact she was 94. She is now a fond memory and always a source of pride and love. I can visit her any time I want in my mind. I end up thinking over some problem and how would she advise me. Mostly I have gratitude and admiration for a great mom and great human being. Fresh loss is overwhelming. So much churn and trying to process, find our mental navigation. We need to do all that and should. Dr. Kolks take is to lower the impact of the loss in a gradual manner. He would recommend yoga, some would recommend exercise and production of endorphins, maybe just hard work. The methods vary but the point is the same. Lower the volts and intensity to a more manageable level. Hopefully, that overwhelmed feeling that is so correct and all the reasons for it are so valid. Eventually, our person can be a great gift in our lives. They will be with us always. The gifts we were given inform our lives and what was good can find new meaning as we go forward. I suppose role models for our emotions. We can say yes to this is how love feels. We get it because we felt it. I will never say any of this is easy. I am dealing with one huge one now. Kay had five in a span of five years. Some here have experienced trauma in type. Like suicide, homicide, Drug overdose, or sudden. I at least had several years to be with her and gradually come to grief. Get my emotional affairs in order. But like both my mom and Kay the losses hit hard but just a bit more tolerable because I had the time with them. I am always impressed with all who post here or just read. I am impressed with the depth of feelings each of has If we don't feel and love than what is the point!

    Thanks, Ray for your contributions. I think you say it with the truth.

    As always best to you and us all.

    Paul M
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  14. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    I continue to be stunned over the power of grief. The ability to mental process is better but always my recovery is so slow. I have written other threads on sleep. I have just completed part two of a sleep apnea medical condition. This was the overnight in the clinic using the device. This repair will like all of my attempts to comprehend and deal with brain fog will take awhile. Each sleep test takes a few weeks to schedule. It takes a few weeks to process the results. The actual getting and using the device will be months. The point to any reader here is our recovery will be so individual and for some incrementally slow. The nurse who administered the test used the metaphor of banking. The lack of sleep was likely over a long time and created a deficit. To build a positive sleep account like any savings account will take a while. I also have diabetes management to navigate. Finding the best practices to help deal with our," new normal" will have a good deal of trial and error. The point again to any reader is perhaps to not be too hard on your self. The time frame from my hospice counselor has always been, it takes as long as it takes. The adds or best practice keepers so far have been Yoga, exercise, hiking but really being in nature, supportive friends, small constructive projects. Grief books can give ideas but are generally puzzle pieces. Somewhat like ordering off a menu. Some ideas may be appealing or doable, so you try them. You may also experience a good idea but the timing my be not quite right for your phase.

    I just returned from Mount Rainier and the high mountain meadow flower display. It is easy to say hikers and nature people are good people to be with. I met a hospice nurse, go figure. He was completing the last 400 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail. We talked a good deal about death, dying, the ." process that is grief". He was layed up a few days and ordered a knee brace to finish the last 18 days and a lifetime achievement. I am happy to report giving him a ride from town to the trailhead. A small assist in the other person's dream. Also, an act of gratitude to the Hospice nurse who was so needed in my most difficult hour.

    The value of this site has been good. One woman was contemplating a large life change but a wise poster cautioned her to scale down her changes to be more manageable. One woman from Germany, our members can be from anywhere, discovered an underlying medical condition of gluten intolerance was treated. She went down so many roads to find relief and by chance or luck or a high power found the way forward for her. We deal with the pain, the void, loneliness. We read here stories so familiar and at the same time how someone else's experience can appear to be two Mount Everest to climb to our one. Stunned and overwhelmed are words we all use in common.

    Best to us all with warm regards.

    Paul M
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  15. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Obviously still foggy. In conjunction with sleep apnea. An other exploration is in the work of Dr. Deanna Minich: Ph.D. Nutrition. Her book, Whole Detox wants to take on overall health and well being. She combines the best fuel with mind and emotional exorcises. For us here are an extreem case of multiple dimensions. We are trying to find true north for one. The mental processing was and is overload to our psyche that was stretched to the limit in caretaking alone. Then add the 100 other concerns. We are at ground zero. Some caretakers actually pass prior to the cared. We were exhausted both mentally and emotionally. So the principles are te same just exaggerated due to the complexity that is grief. Hope this help and is stage appropriate. Maybe not now but later.

    Best to us all.

    Paul M