Apathy for work after 2 family losses

Hello,
Just found this site today. So glad to know it’s here!
I lose my elderly Mom a year ago March after a 2 year illness. Her death was mostly expected but still was very difficult. I am thankful she was on hospice and have used their bereavement services. Then 2 days after her death my sister, who was one of my best friends, died unexpectedly only 1 month after a cancer diagnosis.
I have found that I feel NO motivation for work as a sales rep since then. I thought I was getting better overall and that my motivation was improving, but then COVID-19 hit and being alone so much at home has made caring about work close to impossible. I’m barely doing enough to get by and it all seems pointless. I live alone and need my job, as we all do, so how do I get back to caring? Part of the problem is that I’ve been burnt out in my industry for quite some time but now with all this it’s gotten even worse. I’ve sunk backwards in my grieving process overall as well. Not a good time to find another job of course so I’ve got to figure something out. I’ve done some counseling and lots of reading but nothing sticks it seems, and I tend to look for quick fixes. I keep choosing “play” and avoidance. Anyone in a similar situation and/or any advise where to go from here? Anything is appreciated. I feel embarrassed and lazy and like I just can’t get a grip. Thank you!

 

Yes, me. All my family members who cared about me are gone now, as well as a few really close friends all w in a few years of each other.
Lost my sister, too. Tho in 95. She was a mom to me.
My dad, a best friend of mine, suddenly died, 2 yrs after my wonderful step mom died after we had cared for her thru hospice, and having to deal with the estate alone, and the hostile violent estranged family members have made these 2 1/2 years a nightmare. I keep having to take hits from these horrible ppl. Those hits, and then covid... I am struggling. I do find that if i can get up early and go for a walk, with mask, before most ppl go out and Im usually alone, and then if I also make myself practice meditation in the morning along with some gratefulness and asking for support prayers. I feel stronger, more rooted that day and am able to feel more solid and strong against the attacks of the day, hostile ppl, or the news and covid stressors. But there are those days I have not been up to even getting out of bed. I also practice Reiki and acupressure healing modalities and have found theme both helpful stress relieving self care practices. They help to motivate me, as well. As well as sketching with colored pencils in a sketch book...nothing fancy, just goals of using all the one hundred colors on one page, or drawing a rainbow for 518rainbow to put in the window for the kids. Just a few of the many things ive tried. Hope this helps.