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Anyone else share a birthday with their loved one that’s passed?

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by soph, Mar 20, 2022.

  1. soph

    soph New Member

    Hi my birthday is coming up soon and it’s sadly the same day as my deceased father’s birthday. I’m really struggling with it and I feel so isolated and like no one understands. So I was hoping if there was someone else whose experienced something like this?
     
    April33 likes this.
  2. April33

    April33 New Member

    Hi soph, my grandma died on my mom’s birthday and that has been a toughie for me for years. I was super close to gramma and also love mom .... its a tricky day to sort of divide my sad feelings missing gramma, but be perky (kind of) and be there for mom. More recently, in 2021 we got to celebrate my hubby’s birthday and our daughter’s hubby birthdays on Feb 7th. It was the first year of their marriage and the 1st time having birthdays together (though we live in CA and them in TX, so by FaceTime). None of us knew my hubby was going to pass away a few months later in June.

    This year was hard on Feb 7th, we all struggled. I hope if your birthday has happened (today is May 10 2022), you got through the day being able to feel feelings you needed too(not have to force happy face with lots of folks if you didn’t really want to)-that’s what we sort of did in our own ways. My daughter tried to keep her sadness feelings of missing her dad in little bursts of crying in their bathroom, then focus on her hubby and give him his presents and cake etc.

    How are you doing soph? Iam new here, but will keep checking in on your post.
    April33
     
  3. Missingyoualways

    Missingyoualways New Member

    My husband passed on my son's birthday. The one year mark is coming up. Not sure how to manage the day.
     
  4. April33

    April33 New Member

    Hi Missingyoualways, Iam sorry you are dealing with 1st yr mark. Of that I am similar- it will be our 1st yr mark in June. I keep feeling like I need a nap, my mind keeps recalling all the stuff leading up to and soon after, my hubby’s passing-including the birth of our 1st grandchild he missed by weeks. Though he didn’t pass on one of our kids birthdays, he did pass close to Father’s Day, which last yr we were still kind of in a shock and blur. This yr myself and two kids (their mid 20’2) feel tired, sad, like its been a weird dream, and then try and recall happy memories prior to his brain tumor and end stage Lou Gehrigs diagnosis.

    How have you been doing these past months? Was your hubby’s passing sudden and not expected? A long illness and caregiving involved? Is your son a child or young adult or etc? If your son is a child and you have the energy, probably letting him have a friend or a few friends over for a (or somewhere, maybe a park) get together and have playtime and cake and a few gifts would keep routine for him- maybe an afternoon so kids eat their lunch at home first unless you have energy to handle snacks or hotdogs etc. And let yourself and son talk and cry too when that feeling wells up. (Maybe a mom and son bday celebration alone if your feeling tears happening with no warning). I wish I could know ideas how to help cope or handle such an emotionally full day ...... but I hold your situation close in my heart as Iam dealing with 1st yr mark too. Big hugs to yourself and your son, I will keep checking your post, April33