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Anticipatory grief

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Ekg1403, Apr 8, 2022.

  1. Ekg1403

    Ekg1403 New Member

    My dad is nearing the end I think, he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we've been told that it could be any day now. Im so scared of my life without him and how the hell I'll cope. Watching him deteriorate has been so awful, I don't know how it can possibly be worse when it's all over.
     
  2. Trisha F

    Trisha F New Member

    How are you doing? I saw your post and haven’t seen anything since. What has been going on? Sending prayers your way.
     
  3. sbohlmann1238

    sbohlmann1238 New Member

    Hi there, your post resonated with me because I was in the very same boat in December 2020, watching my Dad succumb to Stage IV esophageal cancer. I felt the same way that you did and dealt with a lot of anticipatory grief. I feel like I still have PTSD from watching my Dad die from cancer, so I know exactly how you feel and what you are watching. It's very difficult. I will say that I thought I could never live my life without my Dad again, that I would be too sad for a very long time. While some of that is true, I can tell you that the grief does get easier. At first, it was almost a relief to not see him suffer anymore. Care giving is also so tough. I've had many tell me that at the end, they were so fatigued and it was so difficult to watch their loved one die from the disease. They were hoping for that release so that their loved one could finally be at peace and they could too. But then, there's this new life. There's the life of before cancer, during cancer and after cancer/death. They are like three different lives. I encourage you to read books about grief, to join a support group when you're ready and to not keep it all bottled up inside. I am so glad I found this site, as I feel I can't talk to anyone about my loss except for my siblings and Mom, of course. I feel so alone. Husband doesn't understand nor does he know what to say and friends, co-workers are much the same. A book that helped me a lot was called "The Beauty of What Remains" by Steve Leder. I read so many more books that were comforting too, if you ever want suggestions, I can send them to you. Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself. It's such a trying time. God bless.