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Anticipatory Grief - wife has terminal cancer at 32yrs old

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Lossin30s, Aug 10, 2022.

  1. Lossin30s

    Lossin30s New Member

    Hi everyone,



    This is my first post - I'm reaching out to try and find support from other people who are experiencing grief and loss in their 30s.

    My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in January this year - it's a horrible, rare type called mucinous cancer that spreads fast. It's stage 4 and terminal, we aren't sure how long we have but it's been suggested as weeks.

    We have a newborn, a baby boy who is currently 4 weeks old. She's devastated and doesn't want to leave me or him - it's excruciating watching her physical and mental pain every day.

    My wife is 32 years old - it's so cruel and unfair that she has this disease so young, with a new baby and her whole life still to live.

    I'm also in my 30s and getting used to being a new mum. I'm terrified about how I'm going to cope with losing the love of my life. I'm not sure how to do life without her.

    I've tried to connect with local cancer support groups, but unfortunately most of the volunteers and supports are older people who have lost their partners later in life. Not to take away from the pain and hardship of older people's experiences...I'm sure it's just as difficult, if not more so. But its just different to what my experience is like as a younger person, starting a young family.

    If anyone is going through something similar i would love to connect and talk - share experiences and ideas of how to get through this.

    Much love and support - Dee

    [​IMG]
     
    Countess Joy likes this.
  2. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Dear Dee I’m very sorry for what you and your family are going through now. Please keep living life and loving your wife and child. Do it One day at a time. My name is Gary and I got the report I was having a biochemical reoccurrence the following checkup after Cheryl transitioned. It’s taken a year to start rt and it will be completed Monday. We must continue living our lives in the face of uncertainty. This is a safe place to share your feelings and get feedback and learn coping skills. Keep searching for support. The book Radical Acceptance helped with mindfulness. Conquest of Mind is another good way to help me control my emotions. I’ve had 2 different therapists since losing Cheryl. During my hospice volunteer training I learned how health issues and stress severely effect caregivers. Some hospices offer caregiver respite. Don’t forget to take care of you. Take your Vitamins exercise and get fresh air. You may find extra resources through a local hospice. I’m sending you a hug and positive energy. Gary
     
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  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for what you going through. I will keep you in my prayers.
     
    Lossin30s likes this.
  4. Lossin30s

    Lossin30s New Member

    Thank you both so much for your replies, it really means a lot ❤️

    Your words really resonated with me Gary - I want to thank you for that wisdom. Particularly around continuing to love my wife and live in the face of uncertainty. No matter how painful it is, there's always love. And I hope there will continue to be love in the future, even when she passes on eventually.

    Sweetcole - I really appreciate prayers so much, thank you for thinking of us. Lisa, my wife, was first given days to live back in April - her bowel had closed and she was in huge amounts of suffering. A few weeks later her bowel opened again in response to treatment and we were gifted an extra 4 months, enough for her to meet our soon - which I will be forever grateful for to the end of my days. I believe something that made this happen was the power of prayer - from both me, Lisa and others. I thinking someone was listening...

    I'm taking one day at a time now, spending long hours with our son in her hospital room just hugging, kissing and being there with her. She's sleeping and not lucid much these days, but we still remain grateful for each day that comes along that she's still with us.

    Thank you both again - it helps to have support - Dee x
     
    Sweetcole likes this.
  5. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Thank you Dee for being an example of powerful love. That is a such a beautiful love story. I admire your strength and courage. Check the site centerforloss.com. They have a daily devotion for grief. You just have to set up an account and provide your email address. It is free. they will send the devotions daily. They are very helpful. There is a glitch though. My computer was sending the devotions to my junk mail folder. I finally labeled it as non junk and get them regularly now. I made a 7 circuit labyrinth in my yard 15 years ago. After I read your message I cut 4 Rhododendrum flowers and walked the labyrinth to the center and laid the flowers down there. One for Lisa one for Dee one for your son and one for Cheryl. I offered a prayer and sent you positive energy as I exited the labyrinth. Take extra good care of yourself. Gary
     
    Countess Joy likes this.
  6. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Dee, I was sitting in my car last week watching a large bird fly around a tall communication tower. I noticed another large bird with a white head circling the tower with the other one. I suspected it was an adult eagle with it’s child. The mature eagle appeared to be lifting the younger eagle as they orbited the tower. The clouds were fairly low that day and I watched them both disappear into the sky. The experience stirred my soul. I thought about when we need help power is given and it helps us. The power has never taken my pain away but it has sustained me. Last night at dusk I watched 4 bats chasing bugs and darting at each other. I felt Cheryl’s presence. I believe in God and use nature to feel the connection. People are lifting you up too Dee. God bless you and Lisa and your son. Gary
     
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  7. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member


    Hello Dee, my name is Chad and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I haven't been on this site in a while. October 29 of this month will be a year since My Lizzy passed she was 39 years old and she did have health complications but her passing was still a shock to me. This past year has been rough. I felt lost in a way, like my purpose in life was gone. I did talk to a grief counslor and that helped as well as my family and friends. There are still days where the monotomy of surving gets to me. I hope you are able to find some comfort here.

    -Chad
     
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