I am new here. I wish I weren't. The love of my life died December 28, 2022. I am still in disbelief. I think I am making progress towards acceptance of his death and then my mind tries to convince me it's all a bad dream. I used to visit the alzheimer's association website alz.org when he was diagnosed with alzheimer's. I told myself I could deal with alzheimer's as long as he was alive. I told myself yes he was going to die but I figured it was a long way off. Then he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I told myself I could deal with cnncer. I told myself that yes he would die but not too soon. He died less than two months after diagnosis of lung cancer. I told myself I could handle his death. What does that even mean? Was does handle mean? I am moving through grief. Sometimes I am moving very slow. I am moving though. I force myself to get up and go to work. I told myself I could deal with this...I told myself I could handle this...and I am and I choose to celebrate the small wins. Today I woke up. Today I showered. Today I went to work. Today I dealt with my feelings. Today I spoke to him on the way to work. Today I heard his answer in the wind. I miss him. I wonder if he misses me too?