Almost six month old gone way too soon

My angel passed away just before her six month birthday due to a congenital heart defect. Friends and family don’t understand the grief or the loss or the emptiness I feel. I’m struggling with work, with getting out of bed, and sleep and eating. Any suggestions would be so welcome! I am seeing a therapist but could use more support

 

Chrissy,
I’m so very very sorry. Such a tragic story. I cry for you and you beautiful daughter. I have not had a loss like that, I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack that took him from me in 2 hours and he didn’t have any health issues.
My loss is very different from yours but I totally relate to family and friends not understanding. People don’t seem to understand unless they’ve experienced a loss of someone very close. I’ve had people say things so hurtful, or people stay away from me. My own brother didn’t reach out to me for months, when he did call me he told me my other brother told him he should call. He said he thought he should me space. And he didn’t want to bring up my husband. Everything he said was so wrong in his thinking. Does he really think he’s reminding me of my loss? I think of Ron every minute of every day. No one is reminding me. And the last thing I want is space, my life became very lonely, I need people.
So you’re right, people don’t understand, I’ve tried to explain to people what this feels like and what I need. Some people listen and get it others don’t. But until they’ve felt this overwhelming pain they really can’t understand.
You need to take care of yourself. I understand that sleep and eating is difficult, the nights are the hardest. Everything is overwhelming, but your sweet little girl wants you to take care of yourself. She felt your love and knows how how much you cared for her. Now she wants you to take care of you.
Sending you hugs! Robin

 

Hi Chrissy. What you're feeling is so normal, and that's the hard part. Our lives demand that we carry on, chin up, and keep being productive regardless of what's happening.

I promise you your angel is with you every day, helping you out of bed and guiding you through this grief.

I found spiritual support to be immensely helpful. Speaking to supportive friends, as well. Meditating. Taking it easy. Taking time for myself to just watch Parks and Rec or something else not-heavy. Make playlists to remember your lost one, and playlists to remember the good things in your life. Find at least one "positive" every day. It can be something like fuzzy socks, or ice cream, or even seeing a pretty flower outside on your walk. Oh yeah, and go for walks. Get outside. Give yourself time alone, but when you're feeling up to it, spend time with your friends like you used to. Don't push yourself. Don't hide how you feel. Validate yourself. Love yourself. Self-compassion is so important, because you're going to be feeling a lot of confusing things and it's better to just let yourself feel them than fight them or beat yourself up. If you can, go to a grief support group. In-person might not be possible right now, but even online might help. And write. Write down your feelings, write down what seems to help, write down letters to your little angel. Try to practice self-care, exercising and eating well every day. But only do what you can. If you're not up to running more than 5 minutes that day, that's okay! And some days you will just need to take a day off to take care of yourself. That's okay too.

Your angel loves you. S/he is happy and at peace and wants you to live your fullest life. You will always carry them with you.

What you are going through right now is incredibly, ridiculously difficult. You are amazingly strong and you're going to come out of this stronger.

The best advice I've ever gotten is this:
One foot in front of the other,
just keep swimming.

You'll get through this.

Love and peace,
Chessi