24year old. Lost both parents

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by Jag, Jan 8, 2019.

  1. Jag

    Jag New Member

    I lost my Dad when I was 15. He had bone cancer, we didn’t know this, it was only until he went to India he found out. He couldn’t fly back so he stayed there. My whole family went out but because I was only 15 they needed a parent signature. When it was sent it was told the signature didn’t match. I had to stay behind I never got to say goodbye or see him for one last time. We was very close and this hit me hard. My mom come back and started drinkin a lot more then she used to. I never had time to grieve for my dad I focused on looking after my mom, we got told she would only have 2 years to live that was in 2011, she passed away 2016. I made her my life I looked after her every hospital appointment I was there, we was so close I was so happy. I was 6 months pregnant when I had to watch my mom die in front of me. I couldn’t take the pain away from her. I refused to say a last goodbye to her because I couldn’t believe this was happening,( she was over the moon I was having a girl, as we don’t have any of them family) I changed my mind in the last second and said goodbye. I whispeared in her ear and it was when I stepped out the room she passed away. Raising my daughter and grieving is so hard. I always feel lost and unhappy. I feel like none understand because it’s been 2 years it’s that ‘get over it attitude’ My daughter has taught me so many things about life but I always say I’m living for her, but I feel lost like I’m a robot. I just don’t know how to move on. I miss them both so much I’m only 24, I just don’t know how to deal with this and my life issues. My mother would be the one I talk to about things, I have family but no one can replace and that’s hard for me.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Jag, I am so sorry for your losses. 24 is so young to have lost both parents, and unfortunately I think too many grievers find that others put time limits on how long they're supposed to grieve for. I always say - our parents are our first loves. They are our protectors, our guides, our leaders, our teachers, our cheerleaders, the ones who comfort us and believe in us. They are the people we have known the longest and who have always known us and who have (hopefully) always accepted us. This kind of loss deserves the sadness you're feeling. And especially because you are so young and trying to navigate so many new parts of life that you would have liked your parents' guidance on, of course you are going to continue to feel the longing for their presence. Recognizing this is important because we need to feel validated, especially when those around us expect us to be "over it". I wouldn't even say that the goal is to accept that your parents are no longer here, but I would hope that in time you can find a way to adapt. That's what loss is. It's about loss, of course, but it's also about change. And you have a lot of change in your life right now already- the changes we don't ask for are especially tough to cope with.
    I'm glad you are here seeking help, and I hope you can find some support and comfort with others who can relate to this type of loss. We are here to help in any way you need and if you ever want to connect and talk more, just let me know~ I wish you all the best...
  3. Jag

    Jag New Member

    Thank you so much for your reply. It does mean a lot to me. Hopefully one day I just won’t feel as sad as I do now.
    griefic likes this.
  4. SarahNYC

    SarahNYC New Member

    Hi Jag,
    I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I can really relate to everything you are saying - my mom just died two weeks ago, after a long battle with cancer. My dad died 3 years ago... I'm 33 years old and have a 4,5 year old son. I just wish he could have had more time with his grandparents and I really miss having those cheerleaders with me. I am also struggling to find the energy needed to parent.... you have to give so much love and joy and when you're grieving it is really hard... it's like it takes a lot of energy out of you. Do you have a partner to help out with your child? I with you a beautiful day.
    griefic likes this.
  5. Jag

    Jag New Member

    Hi Sarah. I’m sorry to read this. I hope you find the strength to carry on I can’t even imagine how hard it must be with two young children and your parents not there with you. Your right you have to give so much love and energy and it is tiring. I don’t have partner it’s just me. when I was pregnant with my daughter her dad just got so lazy he give up work and didn’t do nothing even when my mom passed away he never helped.

    Thank you for replying to me x
  6. Destinee

    Destinee New Member

  7. Destinee

    Destinee New Member

    Hello I’m sorry to hear about your losses . I’m Destinee I’m also 24 and can relate to everything you said. My mom passed when I was 13 & she was sick also. I never knew how serious or even what the illness was .. all I remember is giving her steroid shots. Every day is still a healing process , because I realized instead of healing I’ve put off grieving her for a very long time. Not until recently I’m able to speak about her with a smile on my face. My father was murdered December 2018 & I always used to joke with him that I would commit suicide if he passed .. but like you I’m a mom and I wouldn’t ever be that selfish. It’s hard every single day. I .. want to let it go .. I want to just stop being sad .. and when i do think I’ve let it go .. I feel guilty for it. They havnt found his killer and it’s so hard because I’m alway from most of my family. I’m staying strong on the outside ... but I’m broken , and can’t pick up the pieces.

    - Destinee
    Healing & blessings
  8. Jag

    Jag New Member

    I am so sorry for you reading this. I hope that one day if not now but soon they will find out who killed your dad. I hope you find your peace as I can’t even begin to imagine not having closure must be so hard for you. I bet your parents would be very proud of you as u are very young too. I’ve just keep telling myself that it’s ok to have sad days now, I don’t think I will ever be the same again but I’m really trying. I think that’s the only thing we can do is try for our children. Hopefully as times goes on for both of us it will heal in a way when we finally feel ourselves again. Don’t feel guilty I’m sure they know you are always thinking about them it’s okay to be happy too. They would love to see you smile not sad.

    Sending lots of love your way x
  9. Jane d

    Jane d Member

  10. Jane d

    Jane d Member

    Hi my hear goes out to y. I lost mam and dad and our dog not long ago. Where ever y get support do get it. Do things that will make y happy. I know y lost mam and dad but y have A daughter that needs to see y happy. Grief and loss of parents are cruel. I used to call my mam every Sunday if I was not with them . I find Sundays hard . I was taking to one of my local people in my community . He is a dad son . He was able to advice me. Make sure who ever y go to has y best interest. This time next week I will be with one of my best friends. She looked after her mam and dad like me. The have passed on. I am going to give her a huge hug for her support and being there for me . Your mam would want y happy and dad too. My mam used to say think of where y will be next year without what is going on . Best wishes time give me time to readjust JD it is heart I mean
  11. I understand what you are feeling. I am 22 years old and i lost my mum when i was 7 and i recently just lost my father a month ago. It hurts so much and i don't understand why this is happening. I just had my Dad and he was everything, a mother and father to me and now he is gone too. It hurts so much and sometimes i feel like i cant go on but i remember he wouldn't want that and i need to be strong for my little sister.
  12. Emerginglight

    Emerginglight Member

    There is no ‘getting over it’, Jag. And no words can adequately express my condolences...Losing a parent, is hard. I won’t lie. I lost my mum 4 months and 6 days ago. Yes. I am counting. The day she died I changed. I lost my purpose and joy in living. I lost my dad and now my mum. Life will never be the same. And I too find it hard to smile when her name is mentioned. I am devastated. One minute I forget my loss and the next I’m overcome by tears and terrible, crushing sadness.

    Jag, I think we never got over devastating loss. We just learn to hide our sadness and control the tears. I mean, we learn to live with our grief.

    I’m a Christian believes in heaven. So I know I will see her again. It’s just the day to day absence of the one who meant so much to me is hard to bear. I lean on God.

    Bless you. Take it one step at a time. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel sad but don’t pitch a tent and stay in that place.

    Prayers, love and hope...