Best friend/sister was murdered

It’s only been a week and a half. The funeral is in 2 days.
I don’t know how to deal or even understand how to handle what I’m feeling inside. How to face a life without her.
I’m not sleeping but when I do I have nightmares.
I’m angry at life and angry she’s dead, I’m angry I can’t call or text her.
She didn’t deserve this. I want to be in that courtroom to hear him sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole.

 

Dear tabs,
I am truly sorry for the loss of your sister whom you were so close to.
To lose her in such a traumatic way - there are just no words how shocking and painful that is.
It is completely normal for you to feel all this distress and pain and shock and for it to affect you physically and for grief nightmares to occur.
It is so much to handle, too much for your psyche to bear. Your anger is absolutely understandable.

I have not experienced the devastation, shock and helplessness of a loved one's murder.
I have experienced two losses from suicide that also extremely shocked and tortured me.
The most recent loss was my soulmate, he took his life last summer.
Just like you I couldn't sleep, I was very troubled and everything was chaotic and numb at the same time.
I couldn't even think straight or talk properly. It's normal, our hearts are traumatized.
This is the worst outcome. We never could have fathomed this.
Now, almost 8 months into my grief, I do understand it's always different,
But I do relate to very tramautic grief -
I have more calm in my soul after lots of feeling and processing.
It's not that I'm at peace that it had to happen, but I surrender a bit more.
My sleep functions most of the time, not like in the beginning of insomnia and unrest.

This will ask a lot from you, this grief journey.
That I feel for you you are just at the beginning of.
Know that you will have a protection of some shock,
Your emotions will not break you if you just let them come.
You are protected and guided in this.

If ever you feel it's too much for you on your own,
Then a grief therapist, a pastor, a counsellor can help you.
Allow someone to walk with you to process this painful loss.

Please take gentle care of your hurting heart.
My thoughts will be with you as you attend your dear sister's funeral.

 

Dear Wolfdream,
I’m sorry for your loss as well. My cousins son committed suicide 2 years ago and October of 2021 a good friend who I’ve known for years lost her son to suicide. I took care of both these young men as babies to about the age of 6. It was sad and shocking but my experience was different as I really didn’t know either one as grown men.
The journey has just begun.